This morning at MOPS, Emilie (one of our mentoring moms), gave an excellent talk about communication struggles and how differences in our personality types can really play an influential role in how we relate to one another. Here some of the highlights from her talk based on the movie and book "Love Talk" by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott:
~when we communicate with others, it is important to have an open posture that tells the other person you are listening to them and "in" the conversation
~free the environment from distractions such as computer, tv, phone calls, etc.
~people want to feel safe when they communicate and there are 4 main "safety zones" that we tend towards when we relate to someone:
1. Time - this category of people value time very highly, therefore effective and efficient conversation is best for them
2. Approval - this type of person tends to be very social, outgoing and live life based on his/her feelings, loss of approval is devastating to him/her
3. Loyal - people in this group are challenged by change and therefore resist change as much as possible
4. High Quality - this group of people is characterized by setting high standards, wanting things done the right way, being very orderly, steady and cautious decision makers
~it is important to recognize not only our own "safe" mode of communicating, but also the safety zone of the person we are talking to
~depending on which "safety zone" we fall into when we communicate effects how we give and receive communication and is most apparent when we solve problems, influence others, react to change and make decisions.
~we need to learn to think like the other person in their shoes, not us in their shoes because that is still us
~learning when to keep quiet is one of the most important areas of communication and is especially important when the other person isn't ready (i.e. husband just got home from work), you have already discussed the matter 100 times or if the other person isn't being rational
~stop the negative self-talk because that really affects the rest of our communication- we need to say no to those untrue and condemning thoughts!
~male/female differences do matter - men tend to communicate to report something and women tend to communicate to build relationships
Thanks Emilie for a great talk!
For further study on the topic of communication, Emilie also suggested reading books written by Deborah Tannen.
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After our Mentoring Mom Moment, we also made these cute bug catchers (or treasure keepers) for our kids!
